Undoing Aloneness
Diana Fosha coined the wonderful phrase “undoing aloneness,” to describe a central aspect of healthy relationships, including good…
Diana Fosha coined the wonderful phrase “undoing aloneness,” to describe a core aspect of healthy relationships, including good psychotherapeutic ones. Another phrase with a similar message is that sometimes “it takes more than one mind to bear” difficult experiences or emotions.
A trite but true line: We come into the world alone and utterly helpless.
Even twins are born one at a time. From the start we are dependent on our parental figures or caregivers for our comfort and survival. How reliable and responsive they are to our biological and emotional needs (which at some point are the same thing) from the very beginning determines our basic sense of trust and well-being in the world.
I often hear clients say how much more painful it is to feel alone in a relationship than to feel alone on one’s own. After all — on our own we expect to be on our own. In a relationship we expect to feel like partners, working and loving together…