Assessing and Addressing the Level of Conflict In Your Relationship
Conflict is normal in relationships. Any two people are going to have some differences in values and/or personalities. And differences are the seeds of conflict. What matters is how we deal with those differences as a couple.
There will be more tension at some times than others, times of more and less stress, different issues that come up in life for one or both partners. These may also be normal phases. The question is how frequent and how intense are the fights, and how well do we tolerate them. John Gottman’s research shows that there are couples that are happy together for a lifetime at both ends of the spectrum. Some air hardly any disagreements, and some argue rather intensely much of the time. But for the couples that stay together they have a shared acceptance of whatever their style is, and they manage to steer clear of Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (criticism, defensiveness, con…