How Do We Differ?

Let me count the ways…

Let me count the ways…

In passing I’ve talked in other articles about core differences between partners that frequently come up in my therapy office. The hard bits in relationships are almost always about differences. Having a deeper understanding of some common contrasts can help cultivate compassion and acceptance for yourself and your partner, while minimizing mindsets that drive a wedge between you.

This list will not be exhaustive, but will cover many of the differences I see that present as difficulties in relationships. These are underlying personality traits or value orientations that are often expressed in surface-level conflicts. Being able to see what’s underneath the surface can lead to greater clarity and appreciation.

Anxious-Insecure/Avoidant-Insecure

These are attachment terms, which I’ve discussed in many of my other articles (e.g., Do You Trust Me). This is probably the most common pairing of partners that come in for couples counseling, and definitely the most common th…