Good Communication is an Unnatural Act

Good communication…

Good communication…

Perhaps the most common reason that couples give for wanting therapy is “to improve our communication.” Sounds simple enough, right? But it turns out that communication is actually quite complex. As Pete Pearson of the Couple’s Institute in Menlo Park points out, good communication is not only the culmination of a pyramid of skills, but it also often involves a series of unnatural acts.

…Is Unnatural

Let’s step back a moment and consider the broad pageant of time. Current estimates are that multicellular life has been on the planet for about 750–800 million years. Humans are estimated to have been around for about 2 to 2 1/2 million years. The origin of structured language is harder to pin down, but let’s say 100,000 years, which would be less than 1% of the time we’ve been around.

What does this have to do with communication? Consider how evolution has shaped us as living beings. The primary biological functions of living beings are to sustain themselves individually …